I can’t say this enough.  It didn’t hit me just how much it sucks until December 4th 2000, when my sister, who had taken my mom first to her doctor (who by the way acted as if she was being dramatic and somewhat of a hypochondriac) where finally the nurse practitioner told my sister to take her to the emergency room that it seems she (my mom) was stopped up and needed an enema.  Now let me go back a bit farther to March 2000, this is when my mom first went to her doctor complaining of back pain and discomfort, his diagnosis, pulled muscle.  How he came up with that, do you think he took an x-ray or ultrasound?  Nope, he just thought of it and said that was the problem and put her on muscle relaxers and physical therapy.  Want to guess what happened, NOT A DAMN THING!!!!  Her pain continued through the summer with no help.  She continued in her work as a massage therapist, helping her clients live a happy and balanced life.

On October 4th I delivered my 4th child, a sweet baby girl and my mom was the first one to visit her and love on her.  She was a great and wonderful grandmother.  In November she shopped for Samantha’s Christening gown, all the while her abdomen growing larger and she showed me that day just how big it had gotten, I was scared for her something wasn’t right but no one really listened to her.  She was scheduled 3 weeks out for a sonogram…FINALLY but really making her wait a very long time, she had started begging for a sonogram in October and then they finally schedule one at another appointment in November for 3 weeks out.  She did not make it the 3 weeks the pain was unbearable and she ended up begging my sister to take her back to the doctor, it was December 4th as I mentioned, at first the nurse spoke to my mother in a very condescending manner and my sister took her in the hall and told her that today would be the day they were going to do something to help my mother and so they sent her to the emergency room.  FYI, this was Kaiser Permanente, you know the place that has everything on site, yet they didn’t do even an ultrasound, they sent her for an enema instead.  What a bunch of dumb wads (yea I have worse names for them but today I am being polite).  Anyway due to the very alert doctor in the ER, she was immediately alarmed by what she saw, told my sister something was very wrong.  She was swift and caring and was the one who had to deliver the news to both my mother and sister that my mother had cancer, ovarian cancer to be more specific and it did not look good.  I want to say I was shocked, I was but I also think I knew something was drastically wrong, I just never went to cancer in my head.

As it turns out she had Stage IV Ovarian Cancer and her outcome was not promising.  She had surgery where the doctor found that it was not good and got what he could of the cancer out and we hoped that chemotherapy would get the rest.  She never made it to the chemo, she got an infection and her body eventually shutdown (lots of details in here it was 6 weeks of ups and downs, hopes and letdowns but I cannot put all that into words, my sisters and I tried desperately during that time to figure out what to do, how to help and there is still a lot of emotions tied into all of that).  She died on January 18th 2001.

A few years back I was introduced to Relay for Life, actually through a teen volunteer group my older two sons were part of.  This group walked in Relay for Life and we really wanted to be a part of that.  So we joined and walked.  The emotion during that walk was so on the surface for me.  I wished that my mom got to be a survivor.  I walked for her and for my kids so they would see and feel what it is like to be a part of something positive.  I know there are lots of groups and fundraisers out there but for me this is the one that spoke to me.  The next year my children were no longer a part of the teen volunteer group but Aaron my second oldest came to me and asked if we could form a team and do this again.  So we did and many of my family and friends were a big part of the fundraising and contributing both time and donations.  It was amazing.  So then last year I kind of slacked on the whole Relay process and had not yet registered.  My dear friend who had all along been a part of the team each year, was diagnosed with breast cancer and when my son Aaron heard, he immediately said, “we are going to do Relay, right?”  So again we walked and with a renewed sense of need, walking for both my mom and our friend.   Thankfully my dear friend was able to walk with us, it held something different for her as she was walking with the survivors now, she is a survivor!

So all while we walk to raise awareness and funds to find a cure.  We always look into alternative prevention and healing, that is a big part of who I am and always will be, but I also feel that there is a need to learn and understand this disease and what causes it.

As always I walk for my mom, my dear friend and all those battling this disease and hoping for a cure, and because CANCER SUCKS and I am hoping that the research that is done with the funds will lead to a better understanding of the disease and a cure.

Want to join me in walking at Relay for Life check out our team – We Believe in Miracles and click on Join our Team, we would love to have you walking with us.

If you can’t walk but want to help us reach our fundraising goal you can pop over to We Believe in Miracles and click on Donate Now.

Have a loved one you would like to honor you can also dedicate a luminaria (one of mine is below) on our page too.  Go to We Believe in Miracles and click on Dedicate a Luminaria.

Peace & Happiness
Dawn